I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize