Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
