his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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