Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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