so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize