my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
