You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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