If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
