how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
