come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
