He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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