Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
