i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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