I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
