Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
