so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
