whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
