We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize