Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
