mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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