Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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