My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
