We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
