oh god the rape fog is back!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
