the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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