dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
