Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
