They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
