Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
