If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
