Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
