wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
