Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
