I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
