Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
