my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
