just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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