i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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