No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
zippers are such a cool invention
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
