Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
