I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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