I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think my mom watched the whole time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
