don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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