With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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