My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize