He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I seem to have left my pride at pride
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
