God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
