somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
