If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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