Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
