Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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