when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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