btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize