well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
