I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
