Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
