We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
