There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
