my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
