We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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