i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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