Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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