direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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