By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He better not be in your backpack
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize