Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
