I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
