I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
