You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
