Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
