you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
