I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
