Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can text with my tongue
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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