She announced her abortion via fbk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
