so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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