I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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