One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
