I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
