i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
