Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
