He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my being single is dangerous.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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