He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Randomize
