I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
