She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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