i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
