considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
