Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
