based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
