I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
