you traded sex for a burrito?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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