Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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