my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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