Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
