I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
