the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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