Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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