I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
