it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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